That’s right. It’s mine. You see here a picture of the vintage 1982 World Cup jersey worn by Scotland. It is the single best and most powerful sporting jersey known to man. Merely wearing it causes supernatural events. Sure, there are other jerseys that are powerful. My vintage 1987 Team Canada jersey with Gretzky on the back is undefeated. But the level of talent of Canada’s hockey team is not quite the same as Scotland’s football team. Canada should always win. Scotland, by rights, should never win. Canada should win every single game it plays in any tournament ever. (If the top 10 footballing nations gave their best players to a superteam, that team’s talent would be just enough to be comparable to an AHL All-Star team.) Scotland has 6 million people and is the fattest, most unhealthy country in Europe. Any game they win is to be cherished. But I digress. We were talking about supernatural events.
My parents-in-law purchased the jersey for me just before the Euro ’08 qualifier between Scotland and the hated French, to be played in Paris. Note the v-neck, decorative striping and oversized crest. Also note the blue. Scottish Blue. Aye, nice. I donned the jersey for the game with France. Those of you following the qualifying will know that Scotland is doing quite well. They even beat France once. But that was in Scotland. This was different. To make a long story short, Scotland beat France 1-nil. It was the first French home defeat in 7 years. This was a supernatural event.
So, now that we’ve established that my jersey has supernatural powers, you’ll be wondering why. Where did these supernatural powers come from? Simple. Not only is it a particularly rare piece of sporting memorabilia, it is also a symbol of sporting tragedy; of great promise dashed by administrative procedure. Those of you with a passing interest in the World Cup will already know that Scotland qualified for the 1982 World Cup[1]. It was in a group with Brazil, the USSR and New Zealand. Scotland lost to Brazil, tied the USSR and beat New Zealand. The same record as that of the USSR. Unfortunately, the USSR had a better goal differential and Scotland was out. Scotland was denied by the fact that the Evil Empire let in 2 less goals than wee Scotland. The greatest Scottish footballing generation of the Century was denied. And so the Curse of the ’82 was born. The current crop of Scottish footballers is the greatest Scottish footballing generation EVER and the reason is there are possessed with the spirits of the ‘82’s, and play with the drive, ambition and talent of their forefathers, in addition to their own. That is why, when France comes to play, they lose. Think France will win at home? Nope, wrong. The Curse Lives. It can only be broken by beating the successor to the USSR (Russia) in a major tournament.
France has been victimized twice now. The rest of the Scotland group will follow. Scotland is going to be at Euro ’08, I’m going to be wearing the jersey and woe be to anyone who gets in our way.
[1] This edition of the World Cup was particularly offensive given that Italy won for the 3rd time.
